


If You Send Your Boss A Dick Pic...

by annubkb



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Workplace Relationship, pretty much everyone except Tim and Jason is in this by mention only, watch out there's jacking off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 22:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10174172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annubkb/pseuds/annubkb
Summary: ...he’s going to ask for a glass of wine.





	

**Author's Note:**

> No capes AU where Jason accidentally sends Tim, who is technically his boss, a dick pic.

Jason Todd loved his job. He did. But it had been a long day (in the doors at six a.m., finally ready to go at seven p.m.) at the end of a long week and he was ready to go home. He knocked on the door to his boss’s office.

“Come in,” Tim Drake called.

Now, just to recap, Jason loved his job. He did. Lately, though, his job had been not only a) amazing, but also b) torture. This was largely in thanks to one Tim Drake, a man who was too pretty to be so smart – if there was someone upstairs (you know, _upstairs_ , not like upstairs on the 38th floor), Jason had some complaints to file, because, um, _wow_ , unfair much? Tim Drake was pretty much exactly Jason’s type, to the extent that Jason suspected Tim was a time traveler and through a series of whacky events Jason had somehow imprinted on him or something, because _damn_ , was Tim Drake Jason’s type.

He was narrow-built and wiry, shorter than Jason by about half a foot, with messy black hair and bright blue eyes that sparkled behind glasses that on anyone else would be some pretentious hipster shit, but on Tim they worked and Jason kinda hated it. And that was just what he looked like. His personality was the real kicker because Tim Drake was not only _smart_ and _snarky_ and honestly kind of a _little shit_ , but genuinely _good_ and _kind_ and—seriously, Jason had some complaints.

Tim Drake’s entire existence was pretty much torture for Jason, and it had been ever since Kate Kane, his boss, had assigned him to work under Tim on a joint project between their divisions – Outreach for Jason, Research and Development for Tim. So, technically Tim wasn’t Jason’s boss, but he was the senior staff (Head of R&D) so Jason was reporting to him.

“Hey,” Jason said, unable to help a grin. Tim was clutching what was probably his fifth coffee of the day and glaring at his computer.

It was adorable.

Tim saw him and the glare faded. “Hey, Jason. You heading home?”

Jason fell into one of the chairs in front of Tim’s desk and unwrapped Tim’s fingers from his coffee, setting it gently on the desk.

“I was gonna, but then I saw that frown on your pretty face. Anything I can help with?” Flirting was the only thing that made working with Tim less torturous. If Jason was honest, seeing the red spots high on Tim’s cheekbones when they flirted made the rest of the time worth it.

Tim rolled his eyes, presumably at the “pretty face” comment.

“No, this doesn’t have anything to do with our project. You should go home, this has been a hell week, you deserve a break.”

“And you don’t?” Jason countered.

Tim shrugged.

“It’s a moot point,” he said simply. “I can’t take one. There are still things I have to do. Yeah, I _want_ to go home and take off my pants and have some wine, but I have to work.”

Jason’s eyebrow had shot up at the “take off my pants” and Tim seemed to realize what he’d said after a moment, the red spots on his cheeks deepening. Tim cleared his throat.

“But, yeah, you should go home, Jason,” Tim repeated.

Jason frowned. “Are you sure, Tim? I don’t mind sticking around to help.”

Tim’s small smile hurt Jason’s chest a little.

“That’s sweet, Jason, but no, there’s nothing you can do. Unfortunately, this is something I have to take care of myself.”

“Okay,” Jason agreed reluctantly. Then, he grinned. “You know, I was pissed off when you replaced me, but now I don’t envy you at all. Your job sounds like it fucking sucks.”

Tim’s eyes narrowed. “Gee, _thanks_.” Jason’s cheeky grin only widened, and Tim rolled his eyes. “Okay, get the fuck out of my office, Jason. I’ll see you Monday.”

Jason laughed, but actually listened and left Tim to finish his work. 

Jason’s phone pinged with the Facebook Messenger alert when he was just barely through his front door. He dropped his bag and jacket on the floor and flopped onto his sofa, sprawling out as much as he could. At least four of his joints popped as he stretched.

With a happy sigh, Jason pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the message. It was in a group chat with Roy and Kori, his two best friends.

_Roy sent a photo._

Jason opened the chat curiously and couldn’t help but grin as he looked at the picture.

It was of Roy and Kori curled up together, their legs tangled together, arms around each other. They were smiling widely.

And they were naked.

As he studied the picture, Jason felt himself growing hard. He zoomed in on certain parts of the picture – Kori’s tits, Roy’s abs, their long legs – and palmed himself.

Then, he noticed the caption, _leave Gotham and come back to us!_ He rolled his eyes and typed out a response.

_Dream job’s here, guys. I know u miss my hot bod but such is life._

A response came almost immediately.

_Yeah, yeah, Wayne Enterprises, we know. They fucking poached you from us. But we DO miss ur hot bod. Tide us over?_

Jason laughed and opened the camera in the Facebook app to take a picture for them.

Sexting his best friends wasn’t really a regular occurrence, but it wasn’t out of the blue either. Roy and Kori had been together for years now, and both of them really, _really_ liked threesomes. Jason wasn’t actually romantically interested in either of them – and thank god for that, disaster averted – but when he was between relationships, Roy and Kori would ask him to join.

And Jason would have to be stupid to turn them down. Roy and Kori were smoking hot and Jason swung both ways, so it was a win-win-win scenario.

Or, it was when he could get his phone to cooperate. The picture had turned out blurry and dim. He sighed. He’d forgotten that the Facebook app had weird glitches using his camera. And the lighting was always kinda shit in his living room. He dragged himself off the sofa and into his bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head along the way.

The lighting in his bathroom was better and when he didn’t use the Facebook app, the camera actually focused. He took a picture in the mirror, threading one hand through his hair and being sure to grin directly into the camera. He glanced at it, then deemed it acceptable. Roy and Kori had seen him at his best and his worst, so who was he trying to impress?

He hit the share button, clicked on the Messenger icon, added the caption _I know it sucks, hope this helps ;)_ , and sent it. He went into his bedroom, shucking his pants completely, and stroked himself slowly as he waited for a response. After a few minutes without a response, he frowned.

Usually Kori and Roy were _very_ enthusiastic about receiving pictures like that from him, and _very_ verbal about their appreciation. This sudden radio silence was weird.

He opened his phone again, clicking on Facebook messenger.

His arousal evaporated and a chill of horror ran down his spine. His most recent message said _You sent a photo_ but it wasn’t to _we’re fuckin outlaws_ , his chat with Kori and Roy, it was to the most recent contact before them.

He’d sent the picture to _Tim_.

Fuck.

_Seen 7:42 PM_

…

_FUCK._

 

* * *

 

Tim was about two seconds short of hitting his head against his desk when his phone chimed, a Facebook messenger alert. Grateful for the distraction, Tim picked up his phone and glanced at the pull down notification.

 _Jason sent a photo_.

Tim’s mouth quirked down and his eyebrows pulled together. Why would Jason send him a picture? Sure, they messaged over Facebook sometimes, but it was mostly stupid jokes or news about a Steam Sale or new movies that had come out. A photo was…unusual.

Tim unlocked his phone and opened the message – a captioned picture.

The caption: _I know it sucks, hope this helps ;)_

The picture… Tim felt his pulse pick up, blood rushing to a very specific part of his body.

Now, Tim was _very_ aware that he had a gigantic crush on Jason Todd. He’d developed this crush pretty much the second he’d met Jason (during a tour of Wayne Enterprises during his new hire orientation). Jason had cracked a stupid joke (“You know what they say – in the business world, you either Wayne or you lose.”) and flashed a crooked smile and Tim had probably actually melted in the hall. Then there had been a whole mess where Jason had been punished for being responsible for some sort of confidentiality breach that Tim didn’t really have all the details on, and so Jason lost a promotion he’d only just received, and Bruce had given it to Tim instead, leading to Jason quitting.

As far as Tim knew, Jason had then gone to work for Star Labs for a bit, where his best friends Roy Harper and Kori Anders worked, so they hadn’t seen each other until Jason came back three years later to work for the Outreach Department instead of Research and Development.

That period of time had been pretty awful since Tim had his giant crush, but Jason hated Tim with every inch of his being – a lot of inches, since Jason easily cleared six feet. So Tim had just nursed his crush in silence, bemoaning his bad luck every time he crossed paths with Jason and got reminded that Jason Todd checked off every item on the figurative list of things that Tim found attractive.

Then, one day about a year previous, Jason had gotten over it. Tim suspected it was because Kate Kane (and by proxy Bruce Wayne, the CEO) had tapped him to succeed her when she eventually moved up the corporate ladder. Jason had apologized to Tim and smiled a sheepish, crooked smile, making Tim’s heart hit his feet. And _then_ six months ago, Kate Kane had assigned Jason to work with Tim on a joint project between R &D and Outreach and Jason had started _flirting_ with Tim.

That, of course, made Tim’s annoyingly resilient crush much, _much_ worse, because now it wasn’t just that Jason was tall and broad and all wide grins, dark curly hair, bright teal eyes. No, now it was also that Jason was _smart_ and _witty_ and kind of an _asshole_ in a way that apparently really did it for Tim.

Working with Jason was sweet, sweet agony, but now Tim was gaping at his phone, because what the _fuck_ was this _picture_? Yeah, they flirted, but— _what_ the _fuck_?

Jason was shirtless, and that was bad enough because _shit_ , he had washboard abs that Tim had thought only existed in magazines and there was so much smooth, dark skin to look at and oh _god_ that was a happy trail. But also Jason’s hand was tangled in his hair the exact way Tim had always pictured doing and he was staring directly into the camera (or, you know, into Tim’s _soul_ possibly).

That was _bad enough_. Tim had pretty much immediately popped a boner. But then, he let his eyes trail down and he had to click on the picture, make it fullscreen, because _fuck_ it was a _dick pic_. Jason’s dress pants (the ones he’d been wearing when Tim had seen him less than an hour ago) and boxer-briefs were shoved down just enough to reveal his dick, which was hard (and…well, there wasn’t another way to say it; it was pretty big). He zoomed in and scrolled over the picture slowly, his throat drying up. The knuckles of his left hand were white from how tightly he was gripping his desk.

Tim had a lot of restraint about a lot of things. He prided himself on it. Stephanie, his best friend, ex-girlfriend, and Head of Advertising, said he was a control freak, which, _rude_ , Steph. Cass, his friend-who’s-practically-a-sibling and Head of Human Resources always agreed with Steph when she said that, which, what the fuck, Cass, aren’t you supposed to be on Tim’s side?

Point being, Tim had a good amount of self-discipline.

All of that restraint, self-discipline, control, whatever you call it, flew out his 37th floor window when he received that picture. Tim, thankful the building was deserted, locked himself in the one-person bathroom down the hall and jerked off desperately with that picture fullscreen on his phone in his left hand. He finished almost embarrassingly quickly, with an orgasm so mind-blowingly _good_ that it took Tim a solid few minutes to remember where he was and why he was there and _ohmygod_ he just masturbated at _work_.

Tim tried to regain some semblance of the poise he’d had before he’d run to the bathroom and jacked off to a sext from Jason Todd but it was a lost cause because he was flushed bright red and his eyes were still glassy and he didn’t _feel_ any semblance of the poise he’d had before he’d run to the bathroom and jacked off to a sext from Jason Todd.

Tim returned to his office, embarrassed at himself and still ridiculously turned on. He took a few deep breaths before picking up his phone – his desk phone, he was pretty sure he couldn’t even _think_ about his cell phone without popping another boner – and calling Cass.

“Hi, Tim,” she answered.

“Cass,” Tim said, foregoing pleasantries. “I need to tell you something, and I’m telling you as a friend, not as Head of HR, so this is off the record, okay?”

“Okay,” Cass agreed. “Steph is here, do I put her on?”

“As long as no one else is anywhere in a three mile radius.”

“Tim, you’re two floors above me.”

“You know what I mean,” Tim hissed.

Cassandra chuckled.

“Hey, Timmy,” Steph said. “I’m sensing a crisis?”

Tim took a deep breath. “I just got a dick pic.”

There was a pause. “Why does this have to be off the record?” Cass asked.

“Because…I got a dick pic from someone who is _technically_ my employee.”

“Your employee,” Cass said, flatly so it wasn’t a question.

“Yeah,” Tim said, wincing. “But I don’t…I’m not reporting this, I just needed to tell someone because this is either the best or worst thing to ever happen to me and I’m not sure which.”

“Tim, who _was_ it?” Cass asked shrewdly. Damn her for being so observant. Steph was uncharacteristically silent.

Tim hesitated.

“ _Tim_ …"

Cass was scary as _fuck_ so Tim relented.

“It was Jason,” he said, quietly in the hopes that maybe Cass wouldn’t hear.

“Jason. Jason _Todd_?” Steph practically shouted, making Tim wince. “ _Jason Todd_ , your fucking long-term creepy stalker crush? _That_ Jason Todd?”

“…Yes.”

Everyone fell silent.

“Well, hot damn. I owe Dickie fifty bucks,” Steph said finally. “Damian owes me a hundred, though, so it’s all good.”

“What?” Tim squawked.

“Nothing, nothing,” Steph said quickly. “What are you going to do? Wait—what _have_ you done? Timmy, did you—”

“That’s why I called,” Tim said, interrupting what probably would have been Steph calling him out on whacking it in the office. “I have no clue what to do. How do you respond to something like that?”

“Well, you could reciprocate,” Steph suggested. “Send him a pic back.”

“I think I’m getting hives just thinking about that. Hard pass.”

“You could ask him to have dinner with you,” Cass offered.

Tim thought. “Well, there are no hives. I guess we have a winner.”

“Oh!” Steph exclaimed. “I know! Grab some of that fancy wine they keep upstairs. You and Jason can drink classy wine and you can tell him how often you think about taking him up the ass.”

Tim flushed.

“Don’t be cruel, Steph,” Cass scolded. “You’ll give him hives and he has to look pretty.”

“True, sorry. But okay, there you go, Timmy. Tell Jason to come back here, offer him wine, make out with him in your office like you’ve always fantasized.”

“I hate you,” Tim whined.

“Good luck, Timmy!” Steph cackled.

“Good luck,” Cass added more calmly.

“Thanks.”

He hung up and tugged on his hair anxiously before messaging Jason.

_Um, can you come back to the office? We should probably talk._

 

* * *

 

Jason eyed his phone like a man given the death penalty eyes the noose.

He wanted to ignore it – he wanted nothing _more_ than to ignore it – but he’d learned long ago that it was best to deal with things as soon as possible and move on, otherwise it’d hang over him like the guillotine hung over Marie Antoinette.

Death analogies notwithstanding, Jason really didn’t want to look at the message. He really didn’t want Tim to be angry or upset, though he’d have every right – who sends unsolicited dick pics anymore, what a dick move (no pun intended). Tim probably thought he was one of those douchebags who whipped out their dick at every opportunity. Tim probably thought was a terrible person.

Jason groaned.

He didn’t _want_ Tim to think he was a terrible person. If he was honest, he wanted Tim to think he was a good person, the kind of person that maybe Tim would be interested in dating. No way would Tim think that now. Tim was nice and polite and a classy motherfucker and _unsolicited dick pics_ probably did not give off the impression of someone Tim might want to date.

Okay, sure, Jason and Tim flirted. They flirted kind of a lot. More than people really should in a work environment. And sometimes they would message each other and talk about their multitude of shared interests – Tim was pretty much everything Jason could ever want, why didn’t the universe ever cut him any slack – hence Tim being the previous recent contact, hence this whole goddamn fiasco.

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face, then took a deep breath and unlocked his phone.

_Um, can you come back to the office? We should probably talk._

Well. That was. Calmer than he’d expected. Still, asking for Jason to come back to the office and talk meant that Tim had something to say, and it probably wasn’t good. If Jason had received a dick pic from one of his employees, he’d sure as hell have something to say.

_Yeah, of course. I can be there in fifteen._

With his reply sent, Jason couldn’t quite overcome a terrible, masochistic urge and he scrolled back up to the picture he’d sent Tim.

Yeah, wow, it was inappropriate. It was pretty fucking obscene, really. Shit, and his _caption_.

_I know it sucks, hope this helps ;)_

Shit, shit, _fuck_. The last thing he’d said to Tim before leaving was that his job sucked. It sounded a hell of a lot like he’d _intended_ Tim to get this dick pic, which he _didn’t_ (even though he regularly had fantasies about scenarios in which both his dick and Tim were involved).

Fuck, he was in _so much_ trouble.

Jason pulled on pants – different ones because, just, no – and a new shirt. He slipped on his favorite jacket (leather, old, soft) and grabbed his keys. He looked around at his apartment and wondered if he’d still be able to afford it if he got fired from Wayne Enterprises (again).

He tried to talk himself down on the drive over, and it kind of worked because riding his motorcycle always made him feel at least a little better, but it mostly didn’t work because his brain had interjected with the possibility that Jason would get charged with sexual harassment and _fucking hell_ he was just trying to sext his friends how did he end up here?

The Wayne Enterprises building looked ominous at night, or maybe that was just Jason’s mood. He couldn’t keep still, his brain kept offering worse and worse outcomes, and the elevator ride to the 37th floor was either way too long or way too short.

For the second time in less than an hour, Jason knocked on Tim Drake’s door and was told to come in. Jason stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shuffled into the room, his eyes darting around to take in everything except Tim’s expression, which he wasn’t ready to see.

Cass wasn’t there, which was probably a good sign.

Neither Bruce nor Kate was there, which was _definitely_ a good sign.

He mustered up the courage to glance at Tim.

He was disheveled, was the first thing Jason noticed. His hair was messy and he was flushed, not just on his cheeks, but down his neck, too. It was really adorable and Jason felt himself flush in response, because wow, now was really not the time to be thinking about how cute Tim was, because Tim was probably gearing up to lecture him or yell or even throw something – Jason wouldn’t blame him, once you send someone an unsolicited dick pic, you deserve whatever punishment they deem necessary, because that’s violating and invasive.

But Jason took in Tim’s expression and felt himself relax a bit, because Tim didn’t look angry. Anxious, maybe. He should have known. Tim was too good a person to scream and yell, he was probably worrying about the nicest way to tell Jason to pack his shit up and fuck right off before he called the police, or worse, _Cass_.

He figured he better start groveling now, while Tim seemed calm.

“I am _so_ sorry, Tim, I swear it was an accident. I didn’t—I wouldn’t send someone a dick pic unsolicited and you’re my _boss_ and I am _so_ , _so_ sorry, please have mercy and don’t fire me.”

It all rushed out of him in one breath and he felt marginally better after, until he saw Tim’s eyes widen and his jaw clench. Jason dropped his gaze and spotted something that he wasn’t sure how he missed before.

“Is that _wine_?”

 

* * *

 

Tim stared at Jason, whose embarrassment seemed to be fading into confusion, and felt a crashing wave of disappointment, followed by a merciless flood of mortification. It was an accident. Of _course_ it was an accident. Why would Jason send _Tim_ of all people a dick pic? Until a year ago, Jason hated Tim’s guts.

A surge of shame welled up in him suddenly. He’d jacked off to that picture. Jason hadn’t meant for him to see it and he’d—

Tim felt nauseous.

He noticed the wine glasses shaking in his hands, so he put them down on the table. He’d already broken one thing today, better to not break the glasses too.

Jason had asked about the wine.

“Um, yeah, I—” Tim’s throat closed up. He wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. He couldn’t look at Jason. How was he supposed to explain himself? What could he possibly say to make what he’d done okay? He couldn’t _lie_ , as much as he wanted to. It was _Jason_.

“Tim?”

Tim twisted his shaking hands together, fidgeting and staring resolutely at the floor.

“Tim, are you okay?” When Tim said nothing, Jason added, “And what’s with the wine?”

Tim took a deep breath. He had to tell Jason the truth, he couldn’t just stand here and not say anything. And Jason seemed concerned that Tim would be upset with him for sending the picture (which wouldn’t last long after Tim explained), but he didn’t deserve to be worried about that.

“Yeah, I—it’s wine. From upstairs. The fancy stuff they use for wooing clients.”

“You swiped it?” Jason sounded surprised, maybe impressed. Tim’s stomach clenched. Apparently standing there listening to Jason not be upset with him was worse than the prospect of telling him the truth. Jason would regret every kind word he said to Tim in just a few minutes.

“Yeah. Um. Yeah. I thought—I wanted—” His goddamn throat closed up again. He looked up at Jason, hoping Jason might understand what he meant and then he wouldn’t have to explain and they could just move right along to Jason yelling at him. But no realization sparked in Jason’s eyes.

He just looked baffled.

“I thought the picture was for me,” Tim spat out. The next sentence was easier after that, despite the horrified look on Jason’s face. “And so, I—well, I called Cass and—” Tim realized his mistake when Jason’s eyes widened and he slumped over. “—Oh, uh, not…I just called because we’re friends, not…I called _Cass_ , not HR.”

Tim gazed at Jason imploringly, hoping he’d made enough sense for Jason to stop looking like he was standing in front of a firing squad. 

“Oh,” Jason said quietly. He didn’t say anything else, but his spine straightened out a little and he pulled his hands out of his pockets, clenching and unclenching them.

“Right, so, uh, anyway, Cass—and Steph—um, they said that I should ask you to come back and have dinner with me.” Now Jason was watching Tim with a healthy amount of confusion and a glint in his eyes that could be hope, although Tim tried extremely hard not to raise his expectations. “And so I did, and I stole fancy wine, because you sent me a dick pic and. I like you. Romantically.”

Jason was just gaping at him, jaw slack.

“A lot,” Tim added, then felt the urge to smack himself.

Silence filled the room, heavy and awkward. Tim stared at Jason and Jason stared at Tim.

Probably at least two hours (twenty seconds) passed.

“Um, so, this is—horrifying and—I promise you’re not in any trouble. If it was an accident then you really couldn’t be… you should probably be mad at _me_ , because I…” Tim trailed off before his tendency to fill awkward silences with chatter made him admit to jacking off in the bathroom because of how hot that stupid picture had been.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Jason asked. Tim nearly groaned. All the things he said, and Jason had to pick _that_ one to ask about. Not Tim’s confession to romantic feelings? Not even his theft of really expensive wine? 

“Well, I—you sent that picture to me on accident, but I thought it was on purpose and I…” Tim steeled himself. “To say I _didn’t mind_ would probably be the understatement of the year.” Tim could feel his full-body blush coming back, the way Jason was staring at him. The bewildered look had faded, replaced with something knowing and dark.

“So, let me get this straight,” Jason started. “I sent you a dick pic and you thought it was on purpose, and you—” Jason let out an incredulous laugh. “—you invited me to come back to the office, not to yell at me or fire me or open a sexual harassment lawsuit, but to have wine with me? Fancy-ass wine that you stole from upstairs.”

Tim smiled nervously.

“Um, yeah, I think that about covers it.”

Jason stared at him.

“Tim, c’mere.”

Tim found himself unable to do anything but comply, and he stepped around his desk to stand in front of Jason, tamping down hope with every step he took because _no_ , Jason probably wanted to just put a hand on his shoulder and let him down _gently_ , because that was the kind of guy Jason Todd was.

Tim looked up at Jason. Jason put his hand on Tim’s shoulder and Tim’s chest ached, because hope is a tough bitch and he hadn’t managed to get rid of it completely.

Then Jason’s other hand curled around the back of Tim’s head and Tim’s heart jumped up into his throat or possibly fell down to his stomach.

“If I’m wrong about this, please don’t fire me,” Jason murmured before leaning forward and brushing his lips against Tim’s gently. Tim inhaled sharply and his hands shot out to grab fistfuls of Jason’s jacket.

“Jason,” Tim whispered and Jason’s whole body shuddered and suddenly Tim’s entire body was crushed against Jason and oh _fuck_ they were kissing.

When they pulled apart Tim’s heart was still racing and Jason’s eyes were darkened by how wide his pupils had blown. 

“So, um, do you want some wine?” Tim asked breathlessly.

Jason chuckled warmly.

“In a bit.”

And he kissed Tim again.

They forgot about the wine. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title is based on a children's book, come at me. So this is an AU based off a post shown to me by the lovely shutupkitkat.  
> The post is here: http://reinventlou.tumblr.com/post/158034291877/someone-turn-this-into-a-fic-ill-pay-you-with-my  
> The lovely shutupkitkat is here: http://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupkitkat/ and she also wrote a fic based on this, but she has self-restraint and I decidedly do not. Anyway, go read it, it's amazing, found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10171190


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